Haywire (2011)

To quote Rodrigo (Antonio Banderas) “holy shit!” what did we do to deserve this movie? I mean, come on! I've seen adult movies with better storylines and direction. Here is an idea on how you feel when you watch the movie, when you're drunk time seems to move fast, and eventually you’re so hammered that you only remember about 5 minutes of a 40 minute walk, well that’s the same feeling I got when I saw this movie.
I think I was so traumatized that my mind actually repressed some parts of the movie. Of all the dumbass things I’ve done in my life, this is amongst the top 5 and I’ve done some pretty f**ked up s**t. This doesn’t even qualify as a movie, it’s a waste of time! There’s absolutely nothing exiting in this movie, the fight scenes are a bit good but really irritating, I know in real life she’s a mixed martial arts fighter and all, but this is f**king ridiculous.  The lead character Mallory Kane played by Gina Carano shouldn’t quit her day job! I don’t know what the f**k Steven Soderbergh was thinking, well maybe he wasn’t thinking at all which would make a lot of sense. And how he got all those stars to act in this movie is a brain teaser. I mean how in God’s name did Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor and Channing Tatum agree to do this “movie”? Usually I give a brief description about the story but this s**t ass movie doesn’t have a great story. Anyways I’ll give it a shot, it’s about a spy or ex marine or something, Mallory Kane is screwed over by some people and now she wants revenge. I mean, how much more cliche can you be? not that it's wrong to go with cliche but there has to be something new that attracts the audience! And this movie has nothing new! I don’t even care to talk about the characters names, it's just pointless. If you want to punish somebody give them a ticket to this movie. On a personal not; why the f**k! do you need camouflage paint all over your face when your hiding in the f**king bathroom! that one sentence should describe the whole movie.

Watch paint dry, it’s more entertaining!


Watch Meter: Wait For DVD


My rating is 3/10



Directed by
Steven Soderbergh
Written by
Lem Dobbs
Starring
Gina Carano 
Michael Fassbender 
Ewan McGregor 
Bill Paxton 
Channing Tatum 
Antonio Banderas 
Michael Douglas
Music by
Cinematography
David Holmes
Peter Andrews
Editing by
Mary Ann Bernard
Running time
1 hour 33 minutes
  

   
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